Matthew Leung, letter in Melbourne Age, 27 Dec. 2006:

Two thousand years ago, God gave us the best Christmas gift: his son. Now God has given Victorians another great gift: rain.

[Matthew, where I can I send my Christmas gifts to God: a hotlink to the weather bureau, a calendar and a hearing-aid?]

Fred Nile, Family World News editorial, Dec. 2006, 2:

The Bracks ALP Government has been safely returned in the recent Victorian state election … Thankfully the Greens Party did not achieve their boast of winning control of the Victorian Upper House.

[Another blunder, Fred. The Greens did in fact win an effective balance of power in the Victorian Upper House. As God controls everything, I guess this must be his preferred outcome, right?]

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Don Batten, ‘Superstition vs Christian faith’, ibid., 6:

‘Creation’ magazine provides abundant evidence that supports biblical creation.

[I've been reading Creation since its inception and can state, hand on heart, that I have never seen a piece of evidence supporting 'biblical creation' appear in its pages. Bible quotes, yes. Fanciful speculation, most certainly. But not one scintilla of evidence.]

Jim Wallace, Australian Christian Lobby, ‘Cloning vote a tell-tale for Christian constituency’, media release, 4 Dec. 2006:

For the most populous and active part of the Christian constituency, the Patterson (therapeutic cloning) Bill is a direct attack on one of the most fundamental beliefs of Christians - the sanctity of human life.

[Jim represents an indeterminate number of conservative Baptists and Pentecostals, hardly 'the most populous and active part of the Christian constituency'. Opinion polls down the years have indicated strong Christian support for liberalised abortion laws and there's little doubt that most Christians back therapeutic cloning too.]

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Above Rubies ‘Up and Coming Events’ leaflet, distributed Oct. 2006:

Christians are now a minority group in Australia …

[Hey, Above Rubies, will you keep that quiet, please? The official line as spouted by the Australian Christian Lobby, Salt Shakers, Bill Muehlenberg etc. is that the vast majority of Australians are Christian, and that therefore the government should ban abortion and homosexuality and make women wear longer dresses. In future, keep your subversive ideas to yourselves.]

Nancy Campbell ‘From Our Home to Yours’, Above Rubies, Jun. 2006 (distributed in October), 3-4:

[God] does not want our enemies to rule over us, but that we should rule over them and beat them into the dust. We have many [evil] enemies … in our land today, evils of abortion, homosexuality, the breakdown of family life [etc.]

['Beat them into the dust', eh? Funny how rarely 'love your enemies' makes it into Christian right literature.]

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It’s a bit like shooting fish in a barrel, but here’s one last Fred, ibid., ‘Focus on Parliament’ section, 2:

[Question in the NSW Legislative Council regarding the cervical cancer vaccine]: Is there a danger that females aged from 10 to 26 who have been vaccinated will believe they are now free to engage in sexual promiscuity?

[Fred mournfully reports that the Minister for Health 'merely smiled and stated "I will take the question on notice."']

Family World News ‘Prayer Focus’, ibid., 8:

Please pray for lasting fruit from the report which made Egyptian TV news of the miraculous survival [of] two small girls found after being buried alive for 15 days … [T]he girls relate [that] a man fitting the description of Jesus appeared to them each day and looked after them.

['A man fitting the description of Jesus', indeed. Fascinating.]

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Rob Thomas, Mt Ommaney, Qld., letter in Festival of Light Australia Light, Aug. 2006, 4:

The greatest threat to Australian families is the cancer of no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce is championed by feminists, all political parties and even some churches in the name of human rights under the banner of feminism.

[If only feminism was half as influential as Rob thinks it is.]

Catch the Fire! - 6th anniversary celebration of Rise Up Australia Prayer Meetings (Pastor Danny Nalliah), leaflet (distributed Aug. 2006):

Speaker Brian Pickering. Founder of Australian Prayer Network, Brian is an Apostolic Father with a mandate to unite the Body of Christ in prayer. He is passionate to see prayer impact each community to pulsate with Kingdom life and God’s heartbeat to mobilise His people to pray for spiritual awakening across our nation.

[I wish Brian was also passionate to write in plain English.]

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Andrew Kulikovsky, ‘A reliable historical record’, Journal of Creation, ibid., 23:

… [I]f the Old Testament is such an accurate and reliable history of the Hebrew people, then it should also be regarded as an accurate and reliable history of the creation of the universe and the creation of man.

[But Andrew, the Old Testament is not an accurate and reliable history of the Hebrew people, and even if it was, it would not follow that it was necessarily accurate and reliable in any other way. Apart from that, you've sold me.]

Cameron Horn, ‘Unmasking the media’ column, Family World News, Jun. 2006, 6:

How’s this for an election platform - legislate away Christian freedom of speech, legalise all abortion, legalise gay marriage, legalise gay adoption and other experimental parenting … and Government-sponsored gay lifestyle promotion to school children. Not in Australia? Well, maybe not - only in Victoria. The way the Victorian Government is thumbing their nose at the spirit of Federal law, one must question that state’s place in the Commonwealth of Australia.

[Cameron must live in a parallel universe.]

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Barney Zwartz, conservative Presbyterian and Melbourne Age religion editor, ‘Crises of Faith’, Age, 30 Jun. 2006:
It so often comes down to sex. The Anglican Church has been tearing itself apart over the issue, but now the conservatives are winning.

[Think so do you, Barney? I'm caught between oxymoronic epigrams: 'We had to destroy the village in order to save it'; or 'The operation was a success but the patient died'. Score one for secularisation, I reckon.]

The Vatican, quoted in Melissa Fyfe ‘Stem cell technique could circumvent restrictive laws’, Age, 30 Jun. 2006:

The Vatican has threatened scientists who conduct stem cell research with excommunication. ‘Destroying an embryo is the equivalent of abortion’, said Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, who said the penalty would also apply to the mother, father and nurses.

[Why stop there, Fonzy? Surely there's plenty of room in hell for the hospital and clinic administrators, doctors, receptionists, sick people creating demand by selfishly seeking cures, and anyone else who plays some role in the procedure. Come on, think big.]

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Cardinal George Pell, Catholic Archbishop of Sydney, quoted in Barney Zwartz ‘No Communion for pro-abortion Catholic politicians: Pell’, Melbourne Sunday Age, 28 May 2006:

[If politicians identify themselves as Catholic but] on every significant public issue they don’t line up with us … they should go quiet on the Catholic labelling.

[Lockstep formation, thanks boys and girls. 'Informed conscience'? Never heard of it.]

Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, email newsletter, 1 Jun. 2006, regarding a Marrickville NSW childcare centre teaching young children that same-sex parenting is normal:

These children should not know what sex is …

[!!!]

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John Mackay, Creation Research, in Annabel Crabb ‘Creationist on a dinkum crusade’, Melbourne Sunday Age, 30 Apr. 2006:

… [I]f people came from monkeys via frogs and fish, then why does the fossil record not contain a ‘fronkey’?

[Cripes, John, I hope you looked in the mirror before you said that.]

Michael and Debi Pearl ‘How to train up a child: Attitude Training’, Good Report, Apr.-Jun. 2006, 4, 24:

It’s not going to harm your child to be falsely accused a few times (that’s life!) … If he is roughed up by his peers, rejoice; he is learning early about the real world. Don’t make a sissy out of him … When you demand that your child be treated fairly, you are protecting him from reality … If a child shows the least displeasure in response to a command or duty, you should treat it as disobedience … A wrong slant of the shoulders reveals a bad frame of mind. Consider this a sign to instruct, train or discipline. A cheerful, compliant spirit is the norm. Anything else is a sign of trouble.

[Hah! Creampuffs! What about the early morning ice-baths and the Abu Ghraib training videos? No wonder we're losing the culture wars.]

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Russell Grigg, Creation Ministries International Australia (formerly Answers in Genesis), ‘Answers for Kids No. 31′, Creation, Mar.-May 2006, 45:

Some people say that ‘God used evolution’. But the Bible makes it clear that He did not. Just look at the differences between Genesis and man’s theory of evolution. God’s record of creation in Genesis [includes:] Earth [created] before the sun and stars …; Plants created before the sun …; Man and dinosaurs lived together …

[Steady on, Russell. I'm still coming to terms with 'Plants created before the sun.']

Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, E-News, 22 Mar. 2006, regarding the SA state election:

What [the Australian Democrats] call ‘progressive’ (pro-homosexual, pro-abortion etc.) is, of course, actually regressive, so we can be thankful for their irradiation.

[By 'irradiation', I think he means 'eradication' - but it's hard to tell with Peter.]

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