Things are crook in Tallarook and quite a few other places around the country so the Pentecostal-dominated Australian Prayer Network is going to hold a ‘National Solemn Assembly’ in Canberra next March.

Now, when contemplating a National Solemn Assembly (NSA), it’s essential that you don’t laugh or even smile, so kindly keep a straight face until you’ve finished reading, as this will be a sign of maturity. (Come on, ‘fess up, you’ve failed already, haven’t you?)

A Solemn Assembly is called specifically to confess any known sins, to restore a right relationship between God and his people and in bringing healing and restoration to society and the land. A Solemn Assembly is marked by seriousness, reflection, and a sense of awe before God.

And don’t think you can just turn up and do as you like.

…[I]t must be guided by God’s agenda … [A]ll hobby-horses should be stabled … God is calling the Assembly , and people need to stay focused on God and wait until He is through speaking to them.

So what can we expect to happen?

There are many unknowns in a solemn assembly. [Yes, I kind of thought there might be.] … If we are serious about seeking God, we can expect God to answer our prayers for guidance, reveal hidden sins etc., move individuals to speak His truth, and send spiritual refreshment and healing …

(Australian Prayer Network Newsletter, ‘National Solemn Assembly Update’,13 Jan. 2007)

Well, so far the National Solemn Assembly looks to me like an extended (3-day!) Pentecostal gabfest-cum-screaming-match. If I was a betting woman I’d say that God will (a) tell Australians to repent and start going to church; (b) insist that plenty of money be given to the pastors of these churches so that they can carry on the Lord’s work; and (c) condemn homosexuality and therapeutic cloning.

As for stabling the hobby-horses, they’re going to need a mighty wide racetrack to cope with the traffic. I wouldn’t want to be following that lot with a bucket and spade.

Filed in: Pentecostalism