Andrew Kulikovsky, ‘A reliable historical record’, Journal of Creation, ibid., 23:

… [I]f the Old Testament is such an accurate and reliable history of the Hebrew people, then it should also be regarded as an accurate and reliable history of the creation of the universe and the creation of man.

[But Andrew, the Old Testament is not an accurate and reliable history of the Hebrew people, and even if it was, it would not follow that it was necessarily accurate and reliable in any other way. Apart from that, you've sold me.]

Cameron Horn, ‘Unmasking the media’ column, Family World News, Jun. 2006, 6:

How’s this for an election platform - legislate away Christian freedom of speech, legalise all abortion, legalise gay marriage, legalise gay adoption and other experimental parenting … and Government-sponsored gay lifestyle promotion to school children. Not in Australia? Well, maybe not - only in Victoria. The way the Victorian Government is thumbing their nose at the spirit of Federal law, one must question that state’s place in the Commonwealth of Australia.

[Cameron must live in a parallel universe.]

Phillip Ruddock, Commonwealth Attorney-General, as reported in David Marr ‘Ruddock aims to tame Big Brother’, Melbourne Age, 26 Jul. 2006, concerning television censorship:

… Mr Ruddock wants the [state Attorneys-General] to discuss a proposition heavily backed by lobbyists for tighter restrictions: that the community tolerates more sex and nudity in film and television drama than in live or reality programs.

[Is a Big Brother turkey-slap more offensive than an All Saints turkey-slap? Over to you, Socrates.]

Gerard Goiran, Christian Democratic Party WA, ‘Big Brother: Sticking to code of practice is not the point’, www.cdpwa.org.au, 4 Jul. 2006:

The Christian Democratic Party has joined the chorus of protests demanding that the ‘Big Brother’ show be axed … More and more traditional, mainstream audiences are being discriminated by film and television producers in favour of a minority who is keen to impose their decadent views of sex, rape, violence and murder on society.

[Too much caffeine, I think.]

Gerard rides again, ‘Internet porn is killing our children’, www.cdpwa.org.au, 28 Jun. 2006:

Pornography has also been found to be a major cause of family breakdown; already in 2002 a family lawyer association found that porn contributed to more than half the divorces they handled in that year.

[Don't worry about giving a source, Gerry. You say something, we believe it.]

Andrew Lansdown, Life Ministries WA, ‘Serious misjudgment’, Life News, Jun.-Jul. 2006:

[The Australian Christian Lobby] is sadly mistaken in its belief that registration of same-sex relationships is less serious and less marriage-like than same-sex civil unions … A relationship based on two men having sex together or two women having sex together is not a relationship that merits recognition or support. The relationship itself is unnatural and immoral and ought not to be sanctioned, protected or encouraged in any way by anyone … [Homosexuals'] claim to ‘couple’ status on the basis of their sexual practice is nonsense, and their demand for social respect and legal privilege on the basis of such an imagined status is outrageous.

[There you go, Andrew, pulling your punches again.]

Australian Christian Lobby (ACL Qld.), ‘Moon Assignment’, State Directions, Jul. 2006:

Year 9 state school students were asked to imagine a new colony on the moon with the majority of people being gay. Students were asked to explore many ideas such as how does it feel that heterosexuals are now in the minority … This is an in-depth biased assignment which promotes all the positives of a homosexual lifestyle without mentioning any of the negative consequences of such a lifestyle.

[A 'homosexual lifestyle' has 'positives'? ACL, you really are slipping.]

Creation Ministries International (CMI - formerly Answers in Genesis), Event Email, 10 Jul. 2006:

Don’t miss Dr Don Batten of CMI (Australia). Don is an international speaker, writer and co-editor of the world-renowned ‘Creation’ magazine … As an experienced research scientist he is well-qualified to show that evolution theory has nothing to do with how the real world works.

[Maybe Don can explain why 99.99% of research scientists think that evolution theory has a great deal to do with how the real world works. Or maybe he can't.]

‘Church organiser Stephen F.’, CMI Prayer News, Jul.-Sept. 2006, 5, concerning a recent appearance by CMI’s Jonathan Sarfati at a church function:

First of all THANK YOU … for your ministry to the church … We would like to reinforce to you that your ministry is not just one of ’scientific education’.

[Actually, Stephen, you can leave out the 'just'.]

Bill Muehlenberg, cultural worrier - oops, warrior, ‘An Assessment of the [Evangelical Alliance] Paper on Homosexuality’ - 13 Jul. 2006:

Now the issue of biblical law and its relationship to secular society is an enormous one, with many competing Christian options available.

[We can go a bit further than that, can't we, Bill? There are 'competing Christian options available' for every single topic of interest to Christians, including the Resurrection and the question of whether Christ existed as an identifiable historical figure. And yet the Christian deity is supposed to be the one, eternal and unchanging god. What is wrong with this picture?]

‘Slap and be happy’, Melbourne Age, 20 Jul. 2006:

A Christian group urges New Zealand parents to smack their naughty children for up to 15 minutes. Family Integrity says the Bible recommends smacking to get rid of ‘the problem of sin in the heart’, a newspaper reported. ‘Smacking does so much good for the child and for you’ …

[Family Integrity draws heavily on the work of Americans Michael and Debi Pearl who are often quoted in the Australian Christian magazine Good Report. The link between Christian Right ideology and authoritarian attitudes to corporal punishment has been extensively investigated in the US. And given the views of some of our local 'cultural warriors', it's about time something was done here.]

Francine and Byron Pirola ‘What do Men Want?’, in Fatherhood Foundation email newsletter, 12 Jun. 2006:

… When a wife is unhappy in the marriage, it is NEVER her fault! Of course, when a man is unhappy in the marriage, that’s his fault as well! If there is one thing that is guaranteed to suck the life out of a husband and crush his spirit, it’s an unhappy critical wife …

[The Fatherhood Foundation seems to think that publishing this sort of advice will improve the quality of marriages. Somehow, I don't think so.]

Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, email, 4 Jul. 2006:

Please also pray for the Hillsong Conference in Sydney … Pray that the Holly Spirit would fall as people worship and pray …

[Looks a bit pagan to me, Pete. And so far from Christmas, too.]

Lauren F. Winner, ‘Women and Porn’ via Australian Christian Lobby site, 19 Jun. 2006:

… To use porn is to wallow in sin … And when you use porn, you are using another person, the real live person who posed for that shot. And it is not a great leap from objectifying a person on a screen to objectifying people in real life.

[Lauren, this argument requires extensive elaboration. Where is it? Nowhere? That'd be right.]

Sometimes, of course, there is no real person behind Internet porn [e.g. the image may be a drawing or animation] - but that is perhaps even more disturbing! There you are … having a faux-sexual encounter with someone who does not exist.

[Been wondering about those hairy palms, haven't you? Cut out the faux-sexual encounters - that's Lauren's advice.]

Lauren F. Winner, ‘The Next Big Challenge for Clergy’:

Paul M. turned up at his pastor’s house five weeks ago in the middle of the night … Paul hadn’t committed murder or realised he was an alcoholic. He wasn’t flirting with atheism. He was spending two hours a day glued to his computer screen, hooked on web porn.

[Well, just so long as he wasn't flirting with atheism.]

Carolyn Cormack, Australian Christian Lobby (Qld.), ‘Urgent - Big Brother Sponsors’, 6 Jul. 2006:

Would you please MAKE the time to email each of these [Big Brother] sponsors with your comments … Also please do use the FREE PHONE call numbers to call EVERY DAY (several times - costs you nothing and their phone bills soar!) to express your disappointment.

[Nothing malicious about the ACL.]

Endeavour Forum (National Coordinator Babette Francis), Newsletter, Jul. 2006, 16:

Please don’t forget donations to our Newsletter! … We don’t get any help from governments while our anti-life opponents get millions.

[Yes, pro-choice organisations are groaning under the weight of all the cash heaped on them by Messrs. Howard and Abbott. Price we pay for electing radical lefties to government.]

Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, email, 6 Jul. 2006, regarding the 55% ‘Yes’ vote recorded in a Ninemsn phone poll about allowing gay blood donors:

The result of [this] poll indicates why compassion should not be the deciding factor in making laws and why a pure democracy (majority rule) is not a good thing.

[Two days earlier, when a self-selected poll about Big Brother supported cancellation of the program, Salt Shakers headed their email, 'Big Brother - the people speak'.]

Australian Christian Lobby, Big Brother Bother, 13 Jul. 2006, regarding advertising on the show:

Reckitt Benckiser manufactures everyday household products such as Mortein, Air Wick, Dettol, Harpic, Lysol, Finish dishwashing products and Vanish … Such products are purchased by most parents to keep their homes clean. It is unacceptable that a company making family cleaning products should also be promoting filth on TV.

[Looks like something Dame Edna Everage might have said on a bad day.]

Babette Francis, Endeavour Forum, ‘The choices Virginia made’, News Weekly, 8 Jul. 2006, 20, concerning women who leave childbearing too late:

…[W]omen can plan to have babies in their twenties and early thirties and put careers on hold for a few years. Yes, they will drop a few rungs down the corporate ladder; but hey, women are living to 85 years of age, so they have heaps of time to climb back up again.

[Babs, look me right in the eye and say you wrote this with a straight face.]

Fred Nile, Christian Democratic Party, ‘Fred Nile congratulates Prime Minister for stopping ACT same-sex bill’, Family World News, Jul. 2006, 11:

A homosexual male has the same right as a heterosexual male to marry a female but not marry another male. In the same way a heterosexual male cannot marry another heterosexual male.

[Profound, isn't he?]

R J Stove, response to Bill Muehlenberg ‘Time to Evict Big Brothel’, 5 Jul. 2006, regarding Channel 10’s Big Brother:

Bill Muehlenberg asks: ‘How much further down the septic tank do we have to go before Channel 10 realises that this show is one big mistake and pulls it off the air, never to be seen again?’I ask, in addition: ‘How much further down the septic tank do we have to go before Christians in general realise that television per se is one big mistake and purge it altogether from our society?’

[Even Bill had some trouble with this one.]

Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, ‘Andrew Olexander - the Clayton’s Victorian MP’, email, 3 Jul. 2006:

It has now been revealed that [Victorian Liberal MP Andrew Olexander] is … living with an adulterer, a male who was married for 27 years … We need people in government that set a good standard and are good roll models.

[Or even role models.]

Nancy Campbell ‘Worthy of honour’, Above Rubies, Feb. 2006 (distributed Jun. 2006), 8:

There are many women today who reject having children, but they cannot get away from the nurturing anointing that God has divinely put within them. If they refuse to mother children, they will end up mothering cats or dogs or some other pet.I was speaking about this at a conference recently and a lady came up to me afterwards. She said that she lives near a gay community and had always wondered why they always had so many dogs. They have to mother something. They were born for this purpose!

[I think Nancy's trying to be kind.]

John Mackay, Creation Research, Creation News, Jun. 2006, 1:

Tragically the current Archbishop [of Canterbury] wants nothing to do with any literal reading of the Biblical account of creation … I have finally had to resort to telling people that, ‘If the archbishop had died on a cross for my sins, I would take a lot more notice of what he had to say, but since it was Jesus who died at Calvary and the same Jesus who created all things, then I will take His word more seriously than the archbishop’s. Besides that, Jesus was there when the world was made, and the archbishop, Darwin, [David] Attenborough and Richard Dawkins were not!’

[And how can a mere archbishop argue with that?]

Jim Wallace, Australian Christian Lobby, ACL National Newsletter, July 2006, 1, urging his followers to join political parties:

…[W]e must counter the undemocratic influence of the social deconstructionalists where it can be done best, by ensuring the right policies and candidates represent us.

[Yes, Jim, you've gotta watch out for those social deconstructionalists. Lucky they're easy to spot. They hunt in packs, wear pink bunny-suits and their eyes are set too close together.]

Richard Eason, Canberra pastor, ‘Godly Government’ in Salt Shakers Journal, July 2006, 17:

Without undermining the sovereignty of God, the Bible portrays the cosmos not as a divine dictatorship, but as a constitutional monarchy.

[Just help us out here, Dick. What's the difference between a divine dictator and a constitutional monarch who writes his own constitution and rules for eternity?]

Filed in: Their Own Mouths