Cardinal George Pell, Catholic Archbishop of Sydney, quoted in Barney Zwartz ‘No Communion for pro-abortion Catholic politicians: Pell’, Melbourne Sunday Age, 28 May 2006:

[If politicians identify themselves as Catholic but] on every significant public issue they don’t line up with us … they should go quiet on the Catholic labelling.

[Lockstep formation, thanks boys and girls. 'Informed conscience'? Never heard of it.]

Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, email newsletter, 1 Jun. 2006, regarding a Marrickville NSW childcare centre teaching young children that same-sex parenting is normal:

These children should not know what sex is …

[!!!]

More Stokes - email newsletter, 26 May 2006:

There has … been a move AWAY from chapels to multi-faith spaces in many hospitals … Multi-faith spaces are places where many false gods are worshipped and prayed to. Should Christians be forced/happy to use multi-faith spaces? We do not think so.

So don’t use ‘em, Peter. Just respect the wishes and actions of those who do.]

Blackburn (Vic.) Presbyterian Church, advertisement in New Life, 25 May 2006:

Looking for an old-fashioned church? Try Blackburn Presbyterian Church … We seek to worship in the beauty of holiness, singing the unaltered words of traditional hymns to organ accompaniment. No bands, no guitars, no drums.

[At last, the backlash. Pentecostal mega-churches, are your ears burning?]

Bill Muehlenberg, self-professed culture warrior, A review of Still Not Sorry by Andrew Bolt - 24 May 2006:

We find ourselves in the quite awkward and untenable position of having many ‘believers’ trashing their own faith … while a professed agnostic [i.e. Andrew Bolt] comes to the church’s defence. Quite bizarre really. But then again Jesus did say something about if his disciples kept quiet, ‘even the stones would cry out’. Thus many people are thankful for this stone crying out in the ‘Herald Sun’.

[I don't know about Andrew Bolt being a 'stone'. But he sure has rocks in his head. Yuk, yuk, yuk.]

[Hey, they can't all be zingers.]

Creation Ministries International (formerly Answers in Genesis), ‘More creationists in the news’ Prayer News, Apr.-Jun. 2006, 15:

Our Dr Jonathan Sarfati recently featured in a local newspaper to give his views concerning the so-called mythical Australian creature known as the Bunyip. Creationists have often thought that bones and drawings of this creature resemble a dinosaur known as ‘Edmontosaurus’. Because Australian Aboriginals lived alongside the Bunyip, it could mean that they have in fact seen the dinosaur.

[Funny or tragic?]

Judith Bond, Glen Alpine NSW, letter in Melbourne Sunday Age, 21 May 2006:

The Bible is a highly reliable representation of the original manuscripts, provides answers to life and living, is the all-time bestseller and most widely read book in the world. Beat that for what is right!

[Looks like Judy's nailed the Exhibition in Pure Logic. Maybe Moral Philosophy as well.]

Clifford Wilson, long-time creationist, ‘The person and work of our Lord’, New Life, 25 May 2006:

Scriptures indicate that the Lord Jesus at the time of the ascension had to pass through the atmospheric heavens surrounding our planet earth into the highest heaven - that is, into the very presence of His Father God Himself.

[Multiple heavens actually surrounding the earth? Good to see pure medievalism is alive and kicking.]

Jim Wallace, Australian Christian Lobby, media release, 22 May 2006:

There is no place for minor, cultish beliefs to be taught in schools.

[Hmm, man born of a virgin walks on water, talks to demons, kills a fig-tree, heals the sick and raises the dead, including himself. Oh, I get it, Jim, only major cultish beliefs should be taught in schools.]

The next one’s an oldie but I only just noticed it -

Richard Egan, former WA State Secretary of the National Civic Council and now working with Festival of Light Australia, ‘UN’s unwelcome interest in local affairs’, News Weekly, 8 Apr. 2000:

… [C]orporal punishment may have some part to play in a more effective juvenile justice system. Historical evidence from Western Australia indicates that juvenile offenders in the period 1853-1901 were extremely rare. Those given 30 lashes for stealing did not re-offend. Perhaps because they were warned that the next offence attracted 50 lashes! However, this suggestion is unlikely to be taken up by the devotees of the United Nations.

[Richard displays his customary degree of enlightenment.]

Rev Dr Robert Iles, Golden Grove Uniting Church (SA), Festival of Light Australia Focus South Australia, May 2006, 4:

Democracy is not theocracy - but it is the best [form of government] we will get this side of the Kingdom.

[I've read this sentence forwards, backwards and sideways and it always comes out looking the same: a ringing endorsement of theocracy.]

Gerard McManus, address to Family First Party dinner in Melbourne, 6 April, reported in News Weekly, 13 May 2006:

Many Western countries are facing a demographic disaster from the baby drought which will leave them practically empty in 50 years time.

[Quick, folks, sell the farm. And remember, you heard it first from Gerard.]

Right to Life Australia, ‘Contact the Prime Minister John Howard’ (leaflet), distributed May 2006:

This Prime Minister allowed time for abortion pill RU486 to be debated in Parliament and the result was disastrous …

[Right to Life sang a different tune after Federal Parliament overturned the Northern Territory's euthanasia laws. But then that was a triumph of democracy, wasn't it?]

Jenny Stokes, Salt Shakers, E-News, 18 May 2006:

One particular scene [from 'The Da Vinci Code'] has been highlighted by Ted Baehr of MovieGuide, a Christian group that analyses movies from a Christian perspective. It is a pagan sex scene where this occurs in a ritual with others watching. (I do not recommend you read the scene he describes but for your reference his report has been published by a Christian News service and is at www.assistnews.net/Stories/s06050022.htm

[Quite a few Religious Right sites provide their readers with tantalising links 'for reference purposes only'. It reminds me of some home-brew instructions I once read: 'On no account exceed the recommended quantity of yeast as this may raise alcohol levels.']

Alan Barron, Institute of Men’s Studies, letter in Fatherhood Foundation email bulletin, 14 May 2006:

The pejorative term ‘breeders’ is regularly used by the lesbian and gay community to disparage heterosexual parents.

[Two or three sources would be nice, Alan. Or even one. Come on, don't be shy.]

Australian Prayer News Newsletter, 8 May 2006:

Pastor Tom Swartley of First Christian Church in Elm Creek, Nebraska, prayed for corporate forgiveness as he led morning prayers in front of the state’s legislative chamber … According to reports, Swartley … asked forgiveness for ‘teaching the religion of evolution to our young citizens … We put our children in the same category as other animals and then we wonder why some act like animals,’ he said.

[Well, Tom, at least animals don't tell lies.]

Betty Griffin, Ashburton Vic., letter in Festival of Light Australia’s Light magazine, May 2006, 4:

I am … concerned about a disturbing trend towards sexual overtones in fashion magazines. I wrote to the editor of one such magazine … [and] asked what message the magazine was sending with one of its provocative advertisements.

[Glad you made it out of your 40-year coma, Betty. But I wouldn't bother with the TV if I were you.]

Tony Abbott, Minister for Health, responding to a cross-party group of MPs campaigning to overturn a ban on using Australian aid money to train abortion providers in poor countries (this could save the lives of up to 70,000 women who die each year from botched terminations), Melbourne Age, 12 May 2006:

No one wants to see that kind of thing happening, but nevertheless I am comfortable with the existing policy.

[Maybe get your spinners working on the 'comfortable', Tony. Seems just a tiny bit callous, and we all know that you're one of nature's gentlemen.]

Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, E-News, 11 May 2006:

The Prodigal Son is a very well known story, but sometimes familiarity can breed contempt and we can forget the real massages Jesus was giving.

[So the carpentry was just a front?]

Peter rides again:

God disturbs people through hardship and pain and uses it to draw people to Himself and the gospel: remove the pain - for even the best of motives - and you undermine what God can do in that person’s life. Proverbs 13:24 ‘He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.’

[I fear that the 'Father of the Year' award may just elude Peter once more.]

Nev Richards, Tolga Qld., letter in New Life, 4 May 2006:

The Bible is a spiritual book and cannot be understood by [a] human level of knowledge …

[Sorry, Nev, that's all we've got. Anything else comes under the heading of 'imagination'. Now why do I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall?]

Cardinal George Pell, Archbishop of Sydney, ‘Koran is full of violence, says Pell’, Melbourne Age, 5 May 2006:

In the past pagans sacrificed animals and even humans in vain attempts to placate capricious and cruel gods. Today they demand a reduction in carbon dioxide emissions.

[George, mate, we have to keep telling you! Stick your cardinal's hat on when you're out in the sun.]

Cameron Horn, ‘666, Gay Marriage and the Dripping Tap’, Family World News, May 2006, 6:

The current proposal [for an Australian 'Smart Card'] provides that no Australian, rich or poor, free man or slave, will be able to perform any financial transaction with the Government, save he who has the national ID card. And here is wisdom - let him who has understanding count the ways that this proposal sounds suspiciously like step one towards Revelation 13:16-17.

[Let's see, John Howard as the Antichrist and Philip Ruddock as the False Prophet? Close, Cameron, very close - but no cigar.]

Denise Cameron, Pro-Life Victoria, ‘The Abortion Debate is Not Over!’, Pro-Life News, Autumn 2006, 1:

… [L]ooking down from the Visitors Gallery into the Senate and the House of Representatives as our parliamentary representatives debated removing approval for the human pesticide RU486 from the democratically elected Health Minister to the unelected Therapeutic Goods Administration last February, was reminiscent of what it must have been like looking down into the Roman Coliseum when Christians were thrown to the lions … Even the cracks of thunder as we left Parliament House seemed ominous and added to the sombreness of the passage of this deathly legislation.

[Ever think of writing Gothic horror, Denise? You'd be a natural I reckon.]

Filed in: Their Own Mouths