Bill Muehlenberg, National Vice-President, Australian Family Association and book reviewer for Australian Christian Lobby, 17 Aug. 2005:

Every day new anti-faith outrages are taking place and the obvious question to ask is, ‘How long before Christianity is outlawed altogether?’

Run a nice cold shower, Bill, and stand under it for about half an hour.]

Richard Egan, WA State President, National Civic Council, ‘Some Fundamental Problems with IVF’, The Australian Family, July 2005, 20:

No one has a right to access reproductive technology because no one has a right to acquire a child.

[By extension, any expenditure designed to achieve conception constitutes the attempted 'acquisition' of a child. Bad luck for the lingerie, wine and soft music industries. And if a condom slips, should the offending couple be charged with 'negligent acquisition'?]

Arnold Jago, letter in New Life, 25 Aug. 2005:

Why don’t more people devote their whole life to God? Why doesn’t everybody pray morning, noon and night – and attend worship at every possible opportunity?

[Well, I'm not sure, Arnold, but I think sanity might have something to do with it.]

Pope Benedict, quoted by Desmond O’Grady ‘Pope hits Australia’s “faithless” …’, Melbourne Age, 22 Aug. 2005, 5:

… [O]ne sees that the so-called mainstream churches appear moribund. This is so in Australia above all …

[Quite right, Your Holiness. But are you and Cardinal Pell part of the solution, or ...?]

Kerrie Allen, Research Officer, Australian Family Association, ‘Australia’s Infertility Crisis’, The Australian Family, July 2005, 34:

… And perhaps there is a great spiritual awakening needed in women – to realise that what women do is have babies, and that their self-identity and self-esteem may be found and grown through giving themselves to and loving their husband and family, rather than in pursuing materialism and individualism.

[Good work, Kerrie. Very nice combination of the 'baby-machine' and 'doormat' theories of womanhood.]

Elaine Nile, former Christian Democratic Party (NSW) MLC and wife of Fred, Family World News, Aug. 2005, 5:

Over the years and in the NSW Parliament I have seen some well-known ‘Christians’ who have supported [anti-Christian] actions and legislation and yet still are known to be wonderful Christians. They are, of course, in the ‘moderate’ group of the Liberal Party – they should be called ‘moral terrorists’ (or immoral) at least – something that exposes their true lack of Christian values.

['Behold how these Christians love one another.']

Australian Christian Lobby website – 18 Aug. 2005:

Erotic images linked to blindness.

[Yeah, Mum used to tell me that. Or something like it.]

Heidi Spezzano, Paradise SA, letter in Light magazine (Festival of Light Australia), Aug. 2005, 4:

I agree that ‘The Cat in the Hat’ should not be rated G – nor should ‘Finding Nemo’, ‘The Lion King’ or the ‘Toy Story’ movies.

[Heidi, could you give us some idea of which movies should be rated G? And please don't say 'The Passion of the Christ'.]

Roslyn Phillips, Festival of Light Australia, letter in New Life, 18 Aug. 2005:

It appears that four of the six members of the [Film] Classification Review Board consider the wording of the classification guidelines to be less important than the concept of ‘educational merit’. But educational for whom? ‘Mysterious Skin’, especially when available on DVD, could be used to stimulate and teach potential paedophiles.

[Paedophile training movies, eh? So that's where all those paedophile priests and brothers learnt their stuff. Well spotted, Ros.]

Fatherhood Foundation email no. 155 – 15 Aug. 2005:

Words Women Use – Study this and know it! FINE – This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up … SOFT SIGH – …[N]ot a word, but a non-verbal statement. ‘Soft Sighs’ mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content … THANKS – A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome.

[The Fatherhood Foundation tries hard to give the impression of being a moderate, responsible 'pro-family' organisation. They don't always succeed.]

Luke Martin, Cranbourne, Vic., letter in Melbourne Herald Sun, 15 Jun. 2005, reprinted in Salt Shakers Journal, Jul. 2005, 10:

Channel 10’s reality TV series ‘Big Brother Uncut’ is a national disgrace similar to the snowballing fall of the Roman Empire.

[Luke Martin, master of understatement.]

Rachel Scott, ‘The Flaming Sword’, Above Rubies, No. 63 (distributed Jul. 2005), 18:

Our finances hit a big slump … [With our four children, my husband, Christopher] felt the unbearable financial pressures closing in on him and called the vasectomy clinic to price the surgery … This was when God supernaturally stepped in. One night, … my husband had a dream. In the dream, an angel of the Lord appeared before him holding a flaming sword. He pointed it toward my husband (in the direction of his male anatomy) and exclaimed, ‘Do not abort the plan of the Lord!’ Christopher immediately woke up … and told me [about the dream] …

‘Wow!’, I replied. ‘Someone great is supposed to be coming through our family lineage for God to send an angel just to tell you not to have a vasectomy. This is wild and wonderful!’

[The Lord proceeded to bless Rachel and Christopher with four more children named Judah, Destiny, Haven and Leviticus. I just hope the angel doesn't come and point his flaming sword at my male anatomy any time soon.]

Mary Anne Layden, American ’sex abuse expert’, currently visiting Australia, The Australian, 10 Aug. 2005:

Dr Layden says religion has helped many beat [sexual] addiction, but she believes prevention is better than cure, and urges parents to use internet service providers that filter pornography … Her clinical experience and research has found that 70 per cent of pornographic hits on internet sex sites occur during the day on business computers. In addition, 40 per cent of sex addicts will lose their spouse, 58 per cent will suffer severe financial loss, and up to 40 per cent will lose their job.

[And the Olympic Gold Medal for Undocumented Stats-Chucking is now staring the American contender right in the face.]

Filed in: Their Own Mouths