Peter Stokes, Executive Officer, Salt Shakers, letter in Melbourne Age, 23 Mar. 2005:

Marrying a virgin and being totally faithful within your marriage is the only way to be 100 per cent sure your child is yours …
[But since we can't be 100 per cent sure that our partners were virgins, nor that they are always 'totally faithful' within the marriage ...]

Bob Larson, American exorcist, recently on tour in Australia, New Life, 24 Mar. 2005:

… I found Jesus and felt called to some kind of ministry. I travelled the world and wherever I went I attended any exotic ceremony I could find. One was a self-mutilation and torture group who, after going into a trance and having seizures, pierced their bodies with 100 three feet long skewers, put knives through their tongues and cheeks and walked three miles to a temple to worship, yet never shed a drop of blood. I asked why they did not bleed and they said their gods gave them the power. I said, ‘This is like what happened in the Bible’.
[Those pages must have fallen out of my Bible.]

Paul Copeland, Australian anti-euthanasia campaigner, ‘The Wages of Sin and Terri Schiavo’, www.saveterri.com/sin.htm downloaded 25 Mar. 2005:

Will there be any consequences as a result of Terri Schiavo being legally murdered by court order? … You can take the time if you like and read the 30,000 pages of legal documents relating to Terri. You can read all the reasons for Terri to be killed. You can come to a conclusion that she should be killed. But if you do, you will be wrong. Don’t argue with me, argue with God and His Word …To take one specific example of consequences of sin, I do not believe for one moment that the terrible storms that Florida experienced towards the end of last year were ‘natural’ events. The storms were a result of the folk in Florida turning away and not doing something about saving Terri’s life … If Terri is killed, I believe that Florida will suffer some of the biggest storms in its history. If you live in Florida, you might consider taking out extra house insurance.

[Gee, I don't know, Paul. If the insurance companies read this and decide the storms are really an Act of God, they might not pay up and the poor old Floridians will have done their dough.]

David Phillips, National President, Festival of Light Australia, ‘Dear Friend’ letter, 14 Mar. 2005:

Some readers may have noticed some of the absurd effects of new federal privacy legislation - husbands cannot know about their wives’ health!
[For which read: 'spouses need to obtain their partner's prior permission before accessing the latter's private medical records', which seems the purest common sense and which in any case reflects longstanding professional practice. David, at what precise point in your bankrupt brand of Christianity does a gross exaggeration become an outright falsehood?]

Brian Handley, inveterate letter-writer and National Civic Council/Australian Family Association stalwart, ‘News Weekly’, 26 Mar. 2005:

The ugly street violence scenes, witnessed in our national cities recently, are a by-product of a left-liberal libertarian philosophy that has permeated the political fabric of this country … [W]e have left-wing magistrates who believe that ‘we’ (society) are all guilty, so nobody is guilty.
[Brian, you might also try answering the question I directed to David Phillips in the quote above.]

Kevin Donnelly, ultra-conservative education writer and strategist and former chief of staff to federal minister Kevin Andrews, ‘Enforcing the gender agenda’, ‘News Weekly’, 26 Mar. 2005:

Those advocating normalising GLBT [gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgender] behaviour also conveniently forget that, according to some estimates, only 1.6 per cent of Australian men identify themselves as gay and 0.8 per cent of women, when asked, describe themselves as lesbian.
[Nice going with the weasel words, Kev. I liked the 'some estimates' - not 'most estimates' - and the 'identify' and 'describe themselves' are also beside the point. The important question is not 'How many (e.g) men identify themselves as gay', but 'How many actually are gay?' All reputable analysis that I have seen points to a far higher figure than the 'estimates' you talk about here. Anyway, when did Jesus say, 'Blessed are those who pour scorn on minorities' or 'Cursed be they who writeth with their left hand'. I can't find any of this in the Sermon on the Mount.]

Nancy Campbell, Editor, Above Rubies, ‘Self-indulgent or Self-disciplined’, Nov. 2004, 17:

I recently heard of a psychologist who stated that children who are taught the habits of order, such as making their bed each morning, keeping their room tidy, eating meals at set times etc. will have more ability to overcome the temptation of pornography.
[Nancy, I recently heard of a psychologist who stated that such children are more likely to become obsessive-compulsives, conspicuously vulnerable to the temptation of pornography. Confession: I made my 'psychologist' up in order to illustrate a point. How about you?]

More from Nancy, ibid.:

Jesus said, ‘If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away … And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away …(Matt. 5:29-30)’ Wow! That’s strong language, isn’t it? But this is the way God wants us to deal with temptation. We don’t play with it. We gouge it out or cut it off!
[I don't know which I find more disturbing: the absence of a note regarding the metaphorical nature of the command, or the sheer relish and vehemence with which Nancy conveys it.]

Peter Stokes, Executive Officer, Salt Shakers, email, 16 Mar. 2005:

If, in fact, evolution was true, surely it would use the simplest reproduction method,
self-replication.
[This is just dreadful, Peter. Are you trying to be funny?]

And in the same item:

Name-calling of any sort simply avoids the debate - resorting to it simply means one has no arguments left.
[But Peter, didn't you begin your letter of 27 Oct. 1999 to the Melbourne Herald Sun: 'Education Minister Mary Delahunty has shown how gutless she is with her first decision since the Labor Party
stumbled into office last week'? And regarding the US invasion of Iraq, didn't you tell
New Life readers on 3 April 2003 that Simon Crean, Bob Brown and Andrew Bartlett were all 'wimps'? And don't your publications regularly feature writers who refer to opponents as 'sleazeballs' (e.g.
Salt Shakers Journal, Dec. 1996, 8), not to mention 'do-gooders' and 'bleeding hearts' (e.g. SSJ, Nov. 2001, 4)?
Perhaps Romans 1:29 and succeeding verses might help you out here.]

Tas Walker, Co-editor, Answers in Genesis Creation magazine, Mar.-May 2005, 6:

Universities, museums and even tourist literature proclaim the same message over and over: ‘Evolution is true! You were not made by God! You are free! Do what you like!’
[Simply untrue. It doesn't even qualify as hyperbole.]

Jonathan Sarfati, Answers in Genesis, letter in New Life, 10 Mar. 2005:

It was disappointing to see Bill Muehlenberg [a fellow creationist and National Vice-President of the Australian Family Association] cite two very poor books with approval … Mark Noll [author of a highly-regarded text called 'The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind'] is right about the lack of much of an evangelical mind. But far from providing a solution Noll is part of the problem! He advocates denial of the biblical history of the world in favour of the evolutionary ideas of secular scientists. How can we even hope to have an evangelical mind when they [sic] become secularised on crucial matters of our origin?
[Tell you what, Jonathan. Why don't we just throw all our books away and rely on your interpretations of the Bible?]

Fred Nile, Leader, Christian Democratic Party, media release: ‘Nile no racist’, 4 Mar. 2005:

Everyone who knows me, particularly my Aboriginal ‘brothers and sisters’, know there is not a racist bone in my body. They often say ‘Brother Fred, you have white skin and a black heart’.
[No arguments here, Fred.]

Peter Stokes, Executive Officer, Salt Shakers, email, 10 Mar. 2005:

Here is the latest round of ‘Desperate [Housewives]‘ advertisers - episode 6. Instead of Libra being a joint ’sponsor’ in Melbourne, the same company, ‘SCA Hygiene Australasia’ is now heralding ‘Sorbent’ as co-sponsor. Were there too many complaints about ‘tampon’ adverts??
[Has to be a marketing decision, Pete. After all, only some of us use tampons but all of us use toilet paper. And is a tampon ad really more offensive than a toilet paper ad?]

Fred Nile, Leader, NSW Christian Democratic Party, Media Release, ‘A Good Bye for Queer Eye’, 1 Mar. 2005:

Rev. Fred Nile … has stated that he is not surprised that the new Australian program ‘Queer Eye for [the] Straight Guy’ has been axed due to poor ratings.
[Everything's relative, isn't it Fred? The decision to chop Queer Eye followed an episode which attracted 'only' 229,000 viewers (Melbourne Age, 25 Feb. 2005). Fred hasn't had more than 'a few hundred' people turn up to his rallies for many years.]

Fred again, Family World News, Mar. 2005, 2:

The Victorian ‘New Life’ newspaper has … published its list of the top 25 Australian evangelicals … Thankfully, I was number 2 on the list! However, I question whether everyone on the list was as evangelical [as I am] if we define ‘evangelical’ as someone who believes the Holy Bible is Almighty God’s inspired Word …
[No names, no pack drill, but Tim Costello, are your ears burning?]

And one more from Fred, Family World News, ibid:

Unfortunately the Sunni Muslim boycott of the [Iraqi] election has given the Shiite Muslims the majority of seats, which means there will be strong pressure for an Islamic state based on the Koran along similar lines to Iran.
[It seems to have taken Fred over a year to work this out. Perhaps he should join Sybil
Fawlty on Mastermind: special subject, 'the bleedin' obvious'.]

Rev. Bob Frisken, President, New Hope International, ‘No Adultery’, Salt Shakers Journal, Mar. 2005, 12-13:

Adultery, sexual promiscuity, pornography and associated sexual sins are the prevailing sins of our society and our times … How many Christians this week committed adultery in their hearts while watching ‘Desperate Housewives’? … Recently I was talking to a lovely Christian girl who is an ex-student of the Christian High School of which I am Board Chairman. She told me she had recently seen a film called ‘Closer’ that she wished she had not seen … What really concerned me was that a number of fine Christian young people should have chosen to see this film. Why didn’t our school prepare them better, why didn’t their Churches give them better guidance? … We will be swamped by the attack of Satan on our society and end up worse than Sodom and Gomorrah unless we start doing something now!
[Prevailing sin of our times, eh? I'd put 'avarice' so far out in front that 'lust' wouldn't even be in the frame. Like most other Religious Right personalities, Bob is so narrowly focused that he can't tell his mote from his beam.]

Peter Stokes, Executive Officer, Salt Shakers, E-News - Mardi Gras, 4 Mar. 2005:

Visit our web site to see photos (no rude ones) of some of the areas of the Mardi Gras crowd …

[This reminded me of Michael Thorpe's (Treasurer, NSW Festival of Light) reaction during last year's Mardi Gras parade: 'I kept my eyes shut for most of the time, only looking to see what was
happening.' - FOL leaflet, April 2004]

Filed in: Their Own Mouths